


Oh my God! Teal’c, I Am So Sorry!

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-29
Updated: 2002-07-29
Packaged: 2018-10-06 13:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10335488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: SUMMARY: Teal’c has a VERY embarrassing day! While Daniel and Sam are sugar charged!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Oh my God! Teal'c, I Am So Sorry!

“Daniel? I know your in here!” Sam smirked, and kicked open a cubicle door to find Teal’c sitting carefully on the toilet.  “Oh my God! Teal’c, I am so sorry!” She burst out laughing and quickly exited. Daniel was walking past the toilets as she came out.

“Oh hey Sam, why were you in the Men’s?” He asked looking puzzled, eyebrows raised. However, there was a suspicious look he gave through his innocent blue eyes.

“Oh, I was looking for you.” She said standing up straight with a serious almost angry tone breaking in to her voice. “Someone tipped that you would be in here.”

“Ah ha, well I went to some on the other floor, as someone tipped me that you were looking for me.” Daniel smiled feeling proud of himself for outsmarting _the_ Doctor of Astrophysics.

“Oh, well, ha ha.” She laughed sarcastically!  “So, who tipped you?” Daniel started looking uncomfortable with the question.

“For their safety Sam, I think it’s better I don’t tell you. No offence but I don’t want to have to send anyone to Dr Fraser,” he squinted and continued, “again!”

“Look Daniel, if you can’t handle me, then just quit this and admit that I’ve won.”

“What are you talking about ‘can’t handle this?’ I can handle anything you’ve got Major. Now if you don’t mind I have a lot of work to do in preparation for our visit to P8l 22P.” He lifted his nose up and carried on. “Oh, if you see Teal’c at all tell him I said hi.” Sam pouted her lips out in anger and disbelief.

“Okay, you wanna play like that. That’s fine.” She stood staring hard at his back as it slowly got smaller and smaller the further he went. She didn’t move, she felt so strong and undefeatable in her pose. She heard a toilet flush and yelped like a little dog and ran down the hall, also like a little dog. Teal’c’s head peered from behind the door. After surveying the area and deciding it was all clear, he briskly walked away.

“Colonel, do you have anything to add?” The General asked at the briefing.

“Oh General, you know me, a man of little words.” He smiled. The General gave an unsure look. “I was listening, Sir!” He reaffirmed changing his tone abruptly. 

“I’m sure you were Colonel. Major?” As soon as George looked over to the second in command of SG-1 he heard Daniel mumble to her:

“Darn. Okay, you get two hits, but only on the upper arm!” 

“Fine by me Daniel!” She gleamed eyes alight with childish joy. He took a few deep breaths and braced himself! Sam gave two hard but fast punches to Daniels upper arm, enjoying both of them immensely! 

“Owwww!!! Arghhh!” Daniel cradled his arm rocking back and forth in his chair. “I’ll get you back Samantha.”

“What in the world is going on here? I’ve had reports from various people that you have been acting like ten year olds!”  Sam and Daniel lowered their eyes in shame. Carter looked towards Teal’c and giggled apologetically. He seemed very uncomfortable. The General was sitting there waiting for a response from either the Major or the archaeologist. 

“Is, ahh,,” Daniel hesitated. He continued to speak, eyes still facing the table. “Is this briefing nearly over Sir?” The General sighed.

“I expect more of you two. Dismissed.” Daniel stood and darted for the exit. Sam chased him.

“Oh you better run!” She panted.

George waited until the storming of feet had dissipated. 

“Colonel?” Jack stood up.

“I have no idea what is going on in fact no one does, believe me I have asked around.”

“Well maybe as they’re your team you should take them aside and find what is going on. I don’t want them going on any missions behaving like this. It’s just not like them.”

“Maybe they caught something on our last intergalactic hike to the most coldest stupid planet!” Jack said through gritted teeth.  

“I know you didn’t enjoy that planet but if it’s the source of the problem you may have to assemble your team.”

“Oh come on General I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“We’ll see Colonel, we’ll see.” Hammond finished his coffee and headed for his office.

“Great! Just great.” Jack stormed out and tripped Sergeant Siler up. “Sorry Siler! But no time for you, I’m a man on a mission!” Siler sat up buzz eyed.

“It’s oooooooooooooooooooooo,” he fell back on the floor. “kay Sir.” Siler was unconscious. This gave him time to think how many times he had fallen unconscious during his time at the Air Force. He calculated, many times!

Jack headed for the Infirmary. He knew there was only one person who could answer the problem! The only reason he didn’t go to her before was because each time he had seen her this week she insisted on giving him an injection! In the region he only wanted to use for sitting on. He knew this visit would cost but he had to get to the bottom of Sam and Daniel’s peculiar behaviour. 

“Hey Janet!”

“Oh Colonel, I’m glad you’re here! I found this needle with some sort of liquid in. Do you mind if I experiment on you?” She smiled a toothy smile. Jack stared blankly. “Just kidding!” She grinned a toothy grin.

“I was wondering Doc if you have happened to do any kind of medical tests on Sam and Daniel recently.”

“Actually I just got some results back, from an MRI, an EKG, an EEG and an XYZ.” She pounded. Jack grinned.

“You did an XYZ? I always wondered how they work, could you please explain it to me in great detail?”  Janet leaned towards his ear and whispered the procedure and every related topic. “So what results did you come up with?”

“My results were, well, eaten by my dog. But I did get them and read them honest!!” He narrowed his eyes. “They were inconclusive.”  

“I hate that they’re acting like this. Usually they’re kind of sweet!”

“Wait a minute, that’s it!!! They’re SWEET! They have too much sugar in their system!!”

“That would explain a lot and I have been force feeding them my extra sugar-chocolate-fudge-toffee-caramel-extra sweetener-glucose enriched cake each morning.” Jack thought. “But I suppose I’m not to blame. I’m gonna go look for them!”

“Okay Colonel. There’s no need to worry it will wear off in time or I can give them an injection each, or two. I’ll inform the General.” She said reaching in to her pocket and pulling out yet another needle. Both left the Infirmary at the same time. Then started going down the same hallway. Jack looked behind.

“Are you following me Janet?”

“No!” She replied, standing up straight and hiding the needle behind her back. “I’ll go give the General the injec… the news!”

Daniel was limping along a corridor. Sam had really hurt his ankle and he couldn’t put any pressure on it. He noticed a wheel chair attached to a piece of string that he was holding.

“Oh how convenient!” He chirped gratefully. He slumped down in to it and began wheeling around. “Damn, I gotta pee!” He wheeled himself to the nearest locker room. He liked the toilets in there. However, there were two or three SG teams showering in there. It was jam packed. Lucky nobody realised there was a disabled bathroom next door. Daniel wheeled himself out of the locker room and opened the door to the disabled bathroom. He could hear water running. He turned his head slowly towards the direction of the running water. To his utter surprise Teal’c was standing back facing, with a hand on each butt cheek, rubbing vigorously. Teal’c looked over his shoulder to see where the draft was coming from. “Oh my God! Teal’c, I am so sorry!”  Daniel bit his fist and escaped the hilarious situation! 

“So that is what an XYZ is General.” Janet informed.

“Ah, thank you Doctor for explaining that to me, OW!! What did you do that for!?”

“I slipped!”

“Doctor, you just injected me with a hypodermic needle!!”

“What’s your point?”

“Please leave me now, I need you to go away from me.”

“Yes Sir.” Janet left feeling her job was now complete. She heard a loud thud. “Oh so that one was the sedative!” 

Sam was cramming small cakes in to her mouth. Jack entered the commissary. He noticed her and made a mad dash and scooped as many as he could away from her!

“Hey!! I was about to eat those!” Sam screamed in dismay! Jack plonked them in to a nearby bin.

“You can’t eat them that’s what’s been making you and Daniel act nuts!” Sam frowned and pouted her lips.

“I hate you! You ruin my life!” She stood up and ran out. She passed Daniel on the way and he tripped her up. She slapped him and ran away. Jack laughed.

“You got slap by a girl! You got slapped by a girl!” Daniel came up to Jack and slapped him across the face!

“So did you! You got slapped by a girl!!” Daniel stopped and frowned. “Hang on. Am I calling myself a girl?” Jack laughed hard! Daniel frowned.

“You ruin my life!!” He cried and ran out leaving Jack giggling away!!

Janet walked in to the Infirmary. She noticed one of the curtains had been pulled around making a neat little cubicle. She noticed a large silhouette. She walked around and gulped!

“Oh my God! Teal’c, I am so sorry!” She exclaimed and covered her eyes!

“Doctor Fraser! Please! I am in need of your assistance!” He cried obviously distraught. She slowly uncovered her eyes. They widened at the terrific sight! 

“Teal’c how did you do that?”

“I am unsure, but it will not come loose!”

“I’ll go and get a postit, maybe that will help! While I’m gone bend over and secure it with that chair.” Janet ran to her office. As soon as she left George entered, looking annoyed and dizzy. He was recovering from Janet’s injection. He saw the curtain and stormed over there!

“Doctor Fraser!” He yelled ripping open the curtain!! “Oh my God! Teal’c, I am so sorry!” The General ran out, embarrassed! Fraser came back in and helped Teal’c with his strange predicament. She suggested he go and clean his clothes as they were covered in jam and invisible ink. 

“Okay kids we’re gonna stop this right now!” Jack pushed open a door. To his surprise Teal’c was standing in the room with no trousers on. Teal’c looked up at him and raised one eyebrow. “Oh my God! Teal’c, I am so sorry!” Jack ran out, cheeks blushing. He clenched his fists together in embarrassment and turned to read the sign on the door. ‘Laundry Room.’ _Whoops! Wrong door, I want the next one!_ Jack thought. He popped in to the next room and peeped back through the key hole to see if Teal’c had followed him. _The guy must still be cleaning his clothes._ Jack turned around and to his surprise Daniel and Sam were wrestling on the floor, covered in mud, wearing their pyjamas. “What the HELL are you doing?!” Jack demanded. There were many grunts and shrieks of pain as the two were slipping back and forth, pinning each other down. 

“What does it look like we’re doing, Jack?” Daniel answered with attitude.

“We’re mud wrestling, Sir!” Sam screamed as she pulled Jackson’s legs over his head.

“I can see _what_ your doing but why?” Jack shouted, raising his voice towards the end of the sentence so they could hear over their own noises.

“Jack, you’re, OW!!! You’re spoiling this!” Daniel cried from in between his legs.

“This has got to stop!” Jack headed for them. “STOP!!!” In the hustle and bustle one of them managed to kick a great dollop of mud in Jack’s direction.  It all happened in slow motion. He saw it coming and accordingly yelled: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” He dove to the left and rolled out of the impact zone. The impact zone happened to be General Hammond, he just walked in to the room and it splattered all over his face and uniform. The room fell silent. All eyes were on the man in charge of this facility. George raised his hands and wiped the mud from his eyes and face. Daniel and Sam could clearly see bright red skin in between the finger marks of scraped mud on his fat face. “ **OK THAT IS IT!! GO TO YOUR ROOMS!!!** ” The General exploded!! There wasn’t any movement. “ **NOW!!!!!!!** ” Immediately both of them rose and ran out. Jack gave a little laugh. “You too Colonel! **Go to your room!** ” 

“But General!” Jack pleaded.

“ **NOW!!** ” Jack obeyed and was gone in a flash. Janet walked in. 

“Look at this mess! What happened, Sir?” She asked concerned.

“Carter and Daniel happened. Clean it up Doctor.” He ordered. Janet frowned.

“But Sir I’m a Doctor not a cleaner.” She laughed nervously.

“ **THAT’S IT, GO TO YOUR ROOM DOCTOR**!” 

**The End**

  


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> AUTHOR'S NOTES: I think I ate too many chocolate bars whilst writing this! But it's a true representation of my sense of humour!

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> DISCLAIMER: July 17, 2002 Dude, there is like no way I am clever enough to come up with cool characters like these!!!!!! Or the concept of the show for that matter!! Only the situations are mine *hangs head in shame!

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